I have experienced love and what I thought was love. I know what love is, I know how to love and I believe I know how to receive love.I will say I am not very experienced in relationships. I've only had 3. First one with Greggory lasted almost 3 years. The second with Adair lasted 3 years, and the third with Darnell lasted 10 years.
With that being said, the relationship I had with Darnell, really shouldn't have gone past 5 or 6 because after that, it was infidelity after infidelity followed by lies and deceit. There was part of me that wanted to feel like I was enough and all Darnell needed and repeatedly, it was proven I wasn't. I hate being lied to. I would rather be told the truth, and deal with it from there.
Sadly, in my mind I thought I was able to put that hurt to rest. I thought it didn't have a lasting impression on me. I thought I had put it in the past and moved forward. After the relationship with Darnell ended I purposely stayed single. I took the time to focus on me. Get back to being me and learning how to be single. It wasn't easy.
The simpliest part of it all was being single. I didn't desire to be with anyone, and over the years I was with Darnell, everyone knew me to be in a relationship so I just formed friendships with people.
Once I thought I was ready to love again, I would put myself out there, and I found that everyone just wanted to have sex, and that just wasn't my thing. I am not into having casual sex. That's not to say I haven't had hook-ups, but it isn't on the top of my list.
I've embarked on love.
Darnell burned me emotionally and apparently mentally. I take issue with my mate being on dating sites such as BGC, A4A, Men4NOW, and any other dating site. I have serious issue with my partner having private pictures that I knjow he shares outside of our relationship. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that online, he's a HUGE flirt. I know that he has shared and exchanged XXX rated photos via text, email, and websites, and it hurts my feelings.
As you read this, I'm sure you're asking yourself if I have vocalized this to my guy. I have. He's simply says "It's just pictures". It's so much more than that to me.
It takes me back to my insecurities and it is now causing problems because we have totally different views on the issue and it's always making me think and wonder.
He seems to think it's a trust issues. Is it? I don't know. I don't think for one minute he has stepped outside the relationship, so I don't see it as being a trust issue. FOR ME, it's a respect issue. To get to the point of sending nude photos, there has to be some type of talk/interaction for it to get to that level. Flirting if you will. After the pictures are exchanged, there has to be further dialogue and THAT makes me sooo uneasy.
This could potentially cause serious issues.
Before anyone chimes in, he's a great guy. Other than this, we have no other issues. I'm not looking for someone to be right or wrong, or to bash him or me, what I'm hoping for is some sincere advice on how we are able to get over this hump.
Signed,
Wanting to hold on
4 Remarks:
one of you two is going to have to concede/compromise. period. i hope you can work this out.
You should tell him how you feel that you are being disrespected by him. However trust issue may also be causing your "red flags" and insecurities alarms to go off.
LOL, you know you do have an option to create your own profile with xxx pictures and start sexting people, to see if he might then understand how you feel. However be aware going that could backfire and he may add more xxx pictures and start sexting with even more people because he interepreted your actions to mean you are comletely comfortable with it.
I TOTALLY get where you are coming from.
I would first say sit down and talk to your mate and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you feel disrespected. Something's got to give. Explain to him why you feel this way. let him know that you ARE NOT COMFORTABLE with it. I pray that you can work this out
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